there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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