Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
