dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
