I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
