oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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