I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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