take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
