Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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