do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
