yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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