He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
