I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
