Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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