if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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