I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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