I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
