I accidentally had phone sex last night
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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