why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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