i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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