YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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