Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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