i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
