i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
