it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
