i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
