Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
