And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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