kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
