I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
