so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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