My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
