You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
