why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
