i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
