you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
