I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
