He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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