we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
