turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry about my life...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
