After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
