oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
