i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
