Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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