Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
