she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
