I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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