Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
