You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
