I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
