are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.