Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3808) Bad night (804)
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  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

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  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4427) Bad night (738)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (6032) Bad night (1934)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

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  (702): So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college. http://tfl.nu/456d
  Replies (47) Good night (8780) Bad night (760)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

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  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (2217) Bad night (6480)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night

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  (480): Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night http://tfl.nu/495y
  Replies (7) Good night (1824) Bad night (843)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.

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  (614): thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn. http://tfl.nu/sfhl
  Replies (14) Good night (1150) Bad night (2564)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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  (925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1
  Replies (7) Good night (1156) Bad night (1558)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.

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  (701): It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server. http://tfl.nu/p1uj
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (1579)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.

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  (216): I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession. http://tfl.nu/2xsf
  Replies (7) Good night (1983) Bad night (868)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.

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  (914): Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/4mfa
  Replies (5) Good night (1716) Bad night (553)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?

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  (734): But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know? http://tfl.nu/qpnv
  Replies (14) Good night (618) Bad night (1139)
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  (510): View more from California

  There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.

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  (510): There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do. http://tfl.nu/onee
  Replies (2) Good night (417) Bad night (232)
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  (530): View more from California

  FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood

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  (530): FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood http://tfl.nu/brn4
  Replies (5) Good night (551) Bad night (384)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.

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  (484): Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xncl
  Replies (4) Good night (317) Bad night (440)

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