just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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