Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi