Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better