I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
