Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.

  (936): View more from Texas

  haha now u have to piss out ur bum

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  (281): I definitely just put my boxers on backwards. (936): haha now u have to piss out ur bum http://tfl.nu/xfh5
  Replies (10) Good night (1338) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.

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  (732): i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds. http://tfl.nu/8f3d
  Replies (8) Good night (5695) Bad night (1325)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Wow. Its not even 11am.

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  (973): Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house. (1-973): Wow. Its not even 11am. http://tfl.nu/p3yd
  Replies (3) Good night (3154) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.

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  (317): Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina. http://tfl.nu/mqdf
  Replies (9) Good night (1476) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.

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  (530): Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon. http://tfl.nu/gqwa
  Replies (9) Good night (1090) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"

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  (315): You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?" http://tfl.nu/ihjb
  Replies (4) Good night (1038) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,

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  (309): Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning, http://tfl.nu/hwbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care

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  (817): I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care http://tfl.nu/4w1d
  Replies (4) Good night (1940) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out

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  (732): Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out http://tfl.nu/mgiw
  Replies (10) Good night (1503) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night

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  (585): Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night http://tfl.nu/8kd0
  Replies (2) Good night (466) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"

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  (647): I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!" http://tfl.nu/1iw3
  Replies (3) Good night (2064) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.

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  (601): My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service. (1-601): Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar. http://tfl.nu/yh0y
  Replies (1) Good night (984) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.

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  (360): No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/06na
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.

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  (843): My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body. http://tfl.nu/afd3
  Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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  (812): You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you? http://tfl.nu/twmm
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (195)

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