I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize