I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
