I just pynch a tree in the face
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
