it's great music for shaving your balls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
