Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
