I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
