I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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