im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
