I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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