I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
