I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I could fuck to npr.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm really busy with my period
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