i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
