Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
